Friendsgiving is almost upon us! This is not a typo. Over the past decade, an increasing number of Americans, especially millennials, have eschewed the traditional family Thanksgiving in favour of Friendsgiving: a celebration with friends rather than relatives. Although some dismiss it as an “invented holiday”, its popularity continues to grow.
But how did a quintessential family dinner morph into an urban ritual of camaraderie? Once the ultimate stage for domestic tension, as portrayed in the politically charged chaos of The Oath (2018), Thanksgiving has evolved into a gentler, self-selected gathering among friends who would rather avoid family drama.
First embraced by people far from home and popularised by the Thanksgiving episodes of Friends and New Girl, Friendsgiving has since become a mainstream celebration.
This trend emerged during the Great Recession of 2007–2008, when many young Americans left their hometowns for big cities. For those considering expensive flights, the decision was clear: pay triple the ticket price for a two-day visit or host an intimate potluck with friends in New York, Los Angeles or Chicago. Now, many save their holidays – and money – for a longer Christmas stay with family instead. The digital nomad trend of the 2020s has further amplified this.
As economic and social realities have shifted, so have ideas of home. People are starting families later, if at all, and building communities elsewhere. In some cases, it is the parents who have moved abroad or retired far away, further reinforcing the importance of chosen family.
Meanwhile, the holiday itself has changed in meaning. Once a simple day of gratitude, Thanksgiving has increasingly become a commercial spectacle, amplified by social media posts showing lavish tablescapes and curated lists of things to be grateful for.
Friendsgiving appeals, too, to those who find family gatherings emotionally draining. “There’s always talk about how family events can be toxic,” Meghana Srikrishna, 25, who’s hosted annual Friendsgiving dinners since 2015, told CNN. “With Friendsgiving – or even Galentine’s Day – we’re reinventing what holidays need to look like.”
But the reinvention goes deeper. Many people are questioning the colonial mythology of the holiday and the violence it conceals against Indigenous peoples. For them, gathering with friends feels more authentic – a way to maintain gratitude while shedding guilt. This approach also appeals to those who come from backgrounds where Thanksgiving was never celebrated.
Lifestyle choices play a role, too. For a feast centred on roast turkey, for example, a vegan or environmentally conscious host might prefer to spend the day with like-minded friends.
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So, what does a Friendsgiving look like?
Most often, it’s a potluck dinner where each guest brings a dish or a bottle. Some hosts turn it into a themed event or a charitable occasion, asking guests to donate food or money to a charity.
Others keep things light-hearted, even irreverent. Comedian James Corden once described it as “Thanksgiving but with weed”.
The Urban Dictionary defines it as “a very easy excuse to get drunk or high with your friends” or “a way to celebrate with the people we wish were our real family”.
For those far from home, it’s only natural to recreate that sense of belonging with whoever gathers around the table. Yet, as the 2020 film Friendsgiving reminds us, even these well-intentioned, friend-filled feasts can descend into chaos. It seems tradition is hard to escape, even when you reinvent it.
